


The Bishop and the Wolf

by WolfsbaneHorizon



Category: Honkai Impact 3 (Video Game)
Genre: Crossdressing, I have a thing for crossdressing and I am proud of it, Kallen is very salty, M/M, More crossdressing, Multi, Party, Salt, This entire thing started as a joke, Tsunderes, but it’s a thing now so enjoy it, guys look hot in skirts okay?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-08-28 22:53:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16732191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfsbaneHorizon/pseuds/WolfsbaneHorizon
Summary: It’s been 500 years, and finally, Kallen Kaslana has come back to life! Of course, Yae Sakura has also returned, and Otto is not quite so excited about THAT fact.However, he isn’t worried. He has a “perfect plan” to convince Kallen to love him, and there’s no way any of the Valkyries or captains can possibly get in the way of this “brilliant” plan of his!...Right?





	1. Encounter at the Party

**Author's Note:**

> Background: in my Armada’s group chat, we somehow concocted the idea for this insane and senseless story, and we all started loving the idea, some people started to ship it, and I decided to actually write it. It’s meant to be a joke... but it’s probably gonna end up being an actual thing. Hopefully someone gets some sort of amusement out of this madness. Also the characters are probably kinda ooc and I wrote this in like MAYBE 3 hours. Probably less. Enjoy!
> 
> (Additional tags will be added as I write more)

“Dearest Kallen Kaslana,

After a long 500 years, it must feel so nice to finally be alive once more.

I’ve been waiting so long for this day...

I’ve decided to host a party in celebration for your glorious return.

It will take place May 21st at 6pm in St Freya’s Ballroom.

Yae Sakura has already told me she will be there.

I eagerly await your arrival, Kallen.

Signed, Otto Apocalypse”

 

“It’s been 500 years... Finally, Kallen Kaslana has returned! I can’t explain exactly how this happened, but... it must be a miracle.” Otto laughs joyously and rests his arms on his desk, then his face darkens slightly as he sighs. “Of course, Kallen’s return happened not long after the return of that demon girl, Yae Sakura... If only SHE could have stayed dead. But... I suppose it all works out in my favor. I have a plan... a perfect plan to prove to Kallen that we are meant to be together, even after all these years.” Suddenly, there’s a knock on the door to Otto’s office.

“Grandpa, are you scheming in there again?” Theresa asks. “Are you trying to convince Kallen to love you? This is the third time this week you’ve been scheming about this! Maybe you should take a break.” Otto sighs and speak to his granddaughter through the door. “I’ve finally come up with a good plan, Theresa. This will work; guaranteed.”

“What did you come up with THIS time?” Theresa’s voice sounds almost exhausted; she’s already heard him say this countless times in the past week.

“Well, let me tell you...”

**|\vvv/|**

May 21st, 12:17pm, Aboard the Hyperion

“You’re actually going to that party?” Captain Wolfsbane asks, honestly surprised at that after reading the letter. “Seriously? You don’t even like Otto. Why bother going?” Kallen sighs. “If I don’t go, he’ll just find some other excuse to see me.”

“He’s a creep, huh?” Wolfsbane mumbles. “Well, I guess Sakura’s gonna be there, so that should make it a bit better.”

“I’m sure he only invited Sakura to try and lure me to his stupid party,” Kallen grumbles. “Guess it worked.“ The Captain thinks for a moment, then smiles and suggests “how about I go in your place? I can use my illusion powers to make it look like I’m you!” Kallen raises an eyebrow at this offer. “...Seriously? You’re kidding.”

“Nope!” Wolfsbane says proudly. “I’ll totally do this for you.”

“You know Otto is going to be flirting with you constantly, right?”

“I can handle a bit of flirting.”

“Obsessive flirting.”

“I can still handle that.”

“...Alright. Just... don’t let anyone there know it’s you. That would be embarrassing for both of us.”

Wolfsbane nods, pauses for a moment, then adds “and after I do this, you’ll stop being so salty towards me, right?” Kallen deadpans. “You stole my girlfriend. I have every right to be salty towards you.”

“Well you were dead sooooo...”

“So was she!”

“Okay but still. I told you I’d be willing to share.”

“No.”

“Well, that’s your loss then. Will you be just a liiiiiittle less salty maybe?”

“...Fine, I’ll cut you some slack. You ARE doing me a favor here.”

“Yesssss!” Wolfbane has a big, proud grin on his face, and Kallen wants to smash that stupid face in with the side of her gun. She doesn’t want to shoot him; she just wants to punch him with a gun. “Idiot...” she mumbles as she leaves him alone so he can get himself ready for the party.

**|\vvv/|**

It’s around 6:15 when Wolfsbane actually arrives at the ballroom where the party is being held. _Fashionably late,_ he thinks as he enters the party.

Oddly enough, Otto wasn’t standing at the doorway waiting for him. Or, well, waiting for Kallen. Wolfsbane was expecting to be immediately greeted by the bishop, but instead, it seems he has some time to enjoy the party itself before being stalked all evening. He immediately goes over to the food and grabs a plate of brownies and ice cream, as well as a cup of soda, then goes to sit on the floor against the wall where there isn’t that many people. He eats his food while he looks around to see who’s here. He recognizes Durandal, Rita, Theresa... _Oh hey! It’s Bird Waifu!_ Wolfsbane waves excitedly at Fu Hua when she looks his way, and she looks a bit confused at it for some reason. Then Wolfbane remembers that he looks like Kallen right now, and Kallen doesn’t act like this. “Baka!” He says, trying to sound “Kallen-like.” Fu Hua still seems confused, but she decides to ignore it and continue talking to another Valkyrie, named Sylvia.

Wolfsbane takes a sip of his soda, and it tastes a little weird. He frowns. “Is this goddamn Pepsi? Really? Otto, you cheap-ass bastard. You got Pepsi for this party instead of Coke, didn’t you? Damn you, Otto.”

While Wolfsbane is internally ranting about the weird soda, Sakura walks over and looks down at him, smiling. “Hello, Kallen. Are you enjoying the party?”

“I think Otto got fucking Pepsi instead of Coke for this party,” Wolfsbane immediately replies angrily. “Doesn’t he wanna impress me? He’s not gonna do that if he buys fucking Pepsi for his welcome back party. The fuck, man?”

Sakura seems a bit put off by “Kallen’s” anger towards the soda, but tries to ignore it. “Well... I’m quite sure it IS Coke, actually. But it DOES taste a bit odd.” Wolfsbane sneers and finishes off the soda, then stands up to grab himself some more. “I bet it’s diet...” After taking a big swing of his refilled soda, he sighs. “Well, anyway... nice to see you, Sakura. Hopefully you’re enjoying your time here. I’m just wondering where Otto is. I would have assumed he’d be here to bother me by now.”

There’s a moment of silence between the two of them, and then Wolfsbane says “man, I’m feeling a bit weird today. Hey, by the way. I wanna tell you something but I can’t tell you here. Follow me.”

He grabs Sakura’s hand and leads the two of them out of the ballroom, then glances around to make sure no one can see them. “Okay, no one can see us here I think. If anyone sees and Kallen finds out, her salt levels will rise even higher than usual.”

“Wh-what...?” Sakura says, seeming to be incredibly confused for a moment, but that confusion turns to utter shock as Wolfsbane drops the illusion magic to reveal that it’s actually him dressed up to look like Kallen. “Y-you’re not Kallen?!” Sakura exclaims. Wolfsbane chuckles. “Nope. Kallen didn’t wanna come so I went in her place. Also I don’t know why but I really wanna kiss you right now you look so nice tonight.”

It’s at that moment that Wolfsbane starts to suspect that the soda tasted weird because it might have been spiked. Good thing Kallen didn’t actually show up; that could have ended poorly. He leans in to kiss Sakura, who is apparently still surprised by the reveal, but after a moment, she relaxes a bit and lets him kiss her. When he pulls back, her entire face is flushed red. “You... are a good kisser, actually...” Wolfsbane rolls his eyes. “You’ve kissed me before. You know that already. Also I think the soda was spiked, so my kissing probably ain’t that great right now.”

“That would explain this then...” Sakura mumbles to herself, staring down at their feet. Wolfsbane gently lifts her chin and kisses her again, and she seems to hesitantly kiss back for a moment, but then suddenly seems to realize something and pushes Wolfsbane back. “W-wait a minute! This wasn’t part of my plan at all!”

“Captain?!” Theresa exclaims, having just walked out of the ballroom to see the two kissing. They both snap their heads up to look over at her. “Fuck,” Wolfsbane says. “Teri, no telling! Kallen doesn’t want anyone to know that I took her place!”

Suddenly, Theresa just starts laughing. “Captain, you don’t even realize who you’re kissing, do you?”

“What.”

“That’s grandpa! It’s Otto!”

“whAT?!”

He looks over at “Sakura” to see Otto taking off a very realistic Sakura mask and glaring at him. “You...!”

“WHAT???” Is all Wolfsbane could think to say in this situation. “What... what... WHY though?!” Theresa’s laughing finally starts to slow down a bit, but she’s still snickering. “I told him this plan was stupid, but I’m happy he went along with it anyway.”

“What even WAS this plan?!”

“He was going to dress up as Sakura and be super nice to Kallen all evening and at the end he was going to pull of his mask and surprise her because it was actually him and he was hoping that would convince him that he’s actually a really good guy who she should love.”

“That plan is STUPID!!!”

Otto glares at Wolfsbane. “It WAS NOT stupid! It would have worked! But YOU decided to mess it up!” Wolfsbane looks at him. “And what the hell was up with spiking the soda?!”

“Oh, that was actually me,” Theresa interjects. “I just thought it would be funny. And it was!” She takes out her phone. “Can you two kiss again? I want a picture!”

“No!” Otto exclaims, but Wolfsbane seems to actually like that idea, and he tries to kiss him again, but Otto holds his face back. “NO!!”

“C’mon, you gotta admit this is hilarious,” Wolfsbane says, laughing while Theresa gets a video of the two struggling against each other. “This is so funny,” she says to herself as she just watches it all happen. Otto finally manages shoves Wolfsbane away and groans. “Damn you, Theresa… I drank too much soda…”

Wolfsbane stumbles a bit, then chuckles. “Y’know, now that I think about it, Mei was scheduled to go out on a mission today at this time, and since her and Sakura share a body right now, Sakura is out with her. I should have realized that sooner. If I did, this wouldn’t have happened. But also, this is funny, so I’m glad I forgot.” Otto slaps Wolfsbane, his face still red from embarrassment and alcohol. “H-hush! This was a disaster!” Wolfsbane shrugs, unable to wipe his smirk off his face. “Actually, I think this went better than it was supposed to go.”

Otto groans and storms off, stumbling for a bit as he goes, but catches himself and disappears into some room last the ballroom. Theresa is still giggling, and Wolfsbane goes over to place a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t Tell Kallen about this. Or Sakura.”

“Hehehe… I won’t,” Theresa says. “See you later, Captain~!”


	2. Discreet Observation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me a while, but here’s chapter 2! It’s not quite as exciting as last chapter, but it’s some down time while we prepare for the real good stuff coming up next. Nyehehe

It’s been three days since that failure of a party. At this point, Otto has already started working on a new plan to show Kallen how much he cares about her. This time, he needs to take more factors into account; namely, her unwillingness to actually go along with his plans, and the surprising eagerness for certain captains to try and go in her place. However, he does find himself slightly less enthusiastic about his scheming… though he can’t quite place why that is.

As Otto sits at his desk, tapping his pen against the metal in thought, Theresa knocks and enters the office, smiling innocently as she brings him a sweet bagel with sugar sauce on top (it’s actually a donut, but Otto prefers “sweet bagel with sugar sauce” because of that time when Kallen forgot what a donut was called for a moment. No, Otto will never let her live that down). “Hi Grandpa! Captain Wolfsbane gave out donuts today after all the Valkyries returned from their mission, and he let me take the leftovers! I already ate most of them, but there’s one left! Do you want it?” Otto smiles and graciously accepts the sweet bagel. “Thank you, Theresa. You’re a sweet girl. Just like these bagels.” Theresa giggles and winks at him. “The World’s Cutest~! Also that’s a donut.”

After giving Otto the donut, Theresa starts to leave, but stops herself and turns back around. “Oh, right! Grandpa, you don’t have any friends, do you?”

_Just like a child…_ Otto sighs internally. _Doesn’t beat around the bush at all…_ “I… have Kallen. That’s all I need.” Theresa crosses her arms. “That’s not enough! Kallen doesn’t even like you. You basically have no friends then. I know you don’t really pay attention to or really even care about any of your subordinates, but I think you should try talking to them more! Maybe then you’ll make a friend!” She giggles, then adds “I think you should start with talking to Captain Wolfsbane!”

“Who is that?” Otto genuinely asks. Theresa blinks at him in awe. “Wow, you are REALLY clueless about your subordinates.”

“That’s not true. I know about the ones that matter.”

“Wolfsbane is the guy you kissed!”

“…Oh.”

“I think you two should get to know each other a bit! Since you both already have a bit of history together, it shouldn’t be too hard! Hehehe! Besides: Captain is very nice and fun! I think you two will end up getting along if you try.”

Otto frowns at this suggestion, sitting up straight in defiance. “You are severely overthinking this, Theresa. I do have friends. You just… I mean, I am just too busy to see them often.” Theresa snickers at this. “Really? You just sit in here scheming most of the time, or doing weird experiments in your lab thingie. You should make a friend! I’ll tell Captain that you’re gonna come hang out with him tomorrow!” Theresa turns to leave, and Otto shoots out of his seat to stop her. “No!”

“Why not?” Theresa asks. Otto notices the disappointment in her voice and sighs. “…If you insist on this, then… Alright. I’ll think of how exactly I’m going to do this… I’ll need some way to learn more about him though.”

“You could try talking to him, Grandpa,” Theresa suggests. “He’s a nice guy. But he might tease you a little bit about the kiss thing.” Otto immediately shoves that idea in the trash. “No, I need a better way to learn about him. To see if he is actually someone I should spend time interacting with regularly. Hm… I’ll need some time to think about this.” Theresa sighs and rolls her eyes. “Grandpa, why can’t you ever have a normal relationship with people?”

“Well, I certainly can’t be wasting my time with someone who isn’t worth it,” Otto counters. Again, Theresa just sighs and lets Otto be Otto.

At the very least, this should create an interesting situation.

**|\vvv/|**

May 28th, 2:46pm

It’s about time for Wolfsbane and his squad of Valkyries to head out on a new mission. It should be a relatively simple one; it’s just defeat the Honkai beasts that are closing in on a city. After getting into his battlesuit “Howling Fury,” he grabs his claws, “Fenrir’s Fang,” and heads out to meet up with Sakura and Kiana, who are joining him on the mission. As he walks through the Hyperion, he comes across Knight Moonbeam Kiana and waves to her. “Hey Kiana. Where’s Sakura?” Kiana smiles excitedly at Wolfsbane. “Hi Captain!! I don’t know; I haven’t seen her.”

“Huh. Odd. Usually she’s here by now when we have a mission planned. Guess I should go check on her.”

As Wolfsbane was about to head back to look for Sakura, she runs in from around a corner and smiles at the two of them. “Sorry I’m late,” she says. “I… couldn’t find my katana.”

Wolfsbane looks over Sakura, raising an eyebrow at her. “…Memento? Against Honkai beasts? And also elemental damage when we were planning for a physical assault.” He shrugs. “Well… if you feel like a challenge, then go for it.” Sakura seems hesitant for a moment before asking “sorry; should I have taken a different battlesuit?” Wolfsbane chuckles. “Uh, at this point it’s kind of obvious I usually expect you in your Miko battlesuit unless I specifically say otherwise but… this is fine too.”

“…Right. Sorry. That one… is in the wash.”

“…Ooooookay then.” Wolfsbane has a suspicion that this might be… _No way,_ he thinks, turning around and following Kiana out of the ship and down to the ground. _There’s no way he’s seriously doing that._ He looks over to see Sakura faceplant on the ground, despite having teleported down here so there is no reason why she should have faceplanted. He narrows his eyes a bit. _If this is Otto, I swear to fuck…_

Once “Sakura” gets up, the three of them rush towards the horde of Honkai beasts and prepare their weapons. He glances over to see that “Sakura” does at least have her Sakura Blossom, but… she isn’t even fighting correctly. Rather than fighting with her usual grace and flow, she’s just bashing the Honkai beasts over the head with the sword. Wolfsbane sighs as he slices through a chariot beast. _I swear to fuck, Otto, you weird idiot._ Kiana shoots down a horde of hasty beasts and laughs at “Sakura”. “Wow, Sakura! You seem really mad at that Honkai Beast!” Meanwhile, “Sakura” is clinging to a hasty beast’s back and slamming the sword’s handle against its head while it frantically flutters around. Wolfsbane groans and pulls out his communication device. “Yo Bird Waifu,” he calls into it. “You there?” There’s a short silence before Fu Huh responds. “Yes, Captain?”

“There’s a bit of an issue. Sakura didn’t show up yet and me and Kiana left. If you could try and find Sakura and join Kiana for the mission, I’d appreciate it. I have to return to the Hyperion to… do something.”

“Understood. I’ll be right there after I find Sakura.”

After hanging up from the call, Wolfsbane tells Kiana he’s leaving and goes over to the struggling “Sakura.” He readies his claws and lunges at the beast that “Sakura” is clinging to, but misses as it flies out of the way due to its erratic fluttering.

Suddenly, the ground starts to rumble, and from behind the hasty beast, an emperor Honkai begins to rise from the ground. “Well shit,” Wolfsbane grumbles. “Those can be a bit annoying sometimes. But…” He lunges towards the Honkai emperor and tears into its chest, bleeding it and knocking it back a bit. It lets out a grunt and glares down at Wolfsbane, it’s eye glimmering as it prepares to counterattack. However, Wolfsbane refuses to give it the opportunity as he leaps into the sky and howls “Wolfsbane Fury!” He crashes down on the Honkai beast, ripping it to shreds and sending out a piercing blade wave around the impact site that knocks “Sakura” off the hasty beast. The AOE Attack even manages to kill the beast, and Wolfsbane walks over to the completely dumbfounded “Sakura.”

“Follow me,” he says, lifting “Sakura” to her feet and teleporting the two of them back to the Hyperion. He leads the two of them back to his room and shoves “Sakura” onto his bed. He then pauses as he notices the blush on “Sakura”’s face. “…hehe. Get your mind out of the gutter, Otto. I’m not dragging you here to fuck you; don’t worry.”

Wolfsbane pulls off Otto’s Sakura mask and looks over him a moment. “…Do you just have a thing for crossdressing? ‘Cuz if so that’s pretty hot; not gonna lie.” Otto sneers and sits up straight, trying to seem as composed as possible despite the redness on his face. “No. And how did you know it was me?”

“Dude, it was fucking obvious,” Wolfsbane chuckles. “Sakura always knows that she needs her Gyakushinn Miko battlesuit unless otherwise stated, and even if she WAS going to be Goushinnso Memento, she knows how to fight. You don’t. Also you were the one who created the Memento battlesuit, right? How do you not know how to fight with her?” Otto rolls his eyes. “I created it as a video game boss, not a playable character. I’ve never played as her.”

“But you still had to design…” Wolfsbane cuts himself off and shakes his head. “You know what? Never mind. Whatever. What I care more about it learning why you’re dressed up as Sakura in the first place.”

“I don’t need to explain anything to you.”

“I’ll kiss you again if you don’t tell me.”

“FINE I’ll tell you!!” Otto growls, turning away. “It was simply so that I could learn more about you. Theresa told me that I should pay attention to you for some reason, and I wanted to discreetly observe you to determine if you are worthy of my attention.”

Wolfsbane raises an eyebrow at Otto, almost laughing at this. “That’s a dumb excuse.” He plops down on the bed beside Otto and smirks at him. “Sounds to me like you just wanted to get me to kiss you again. Sakura does say that I’m a good kisser.”

“NO,” Otto exclaims harshly.

“Oh, I’m not a good kisser?”

“That’s not- you are- I mean- Shut up and listen to me!!”

“Okay but I AM a good kisser, right?”

“Yes.”

“Hahaha I got you to admit you liked it.”

“You…!” Otto stands up to leave while Wolf laughs to himself. “Hey, Otto! Wait!” Wolfsbane says, still chuckling. “I’m just teasing you. Calm your sexy blonde butt. You wanted to learn about me, is that right? Well, then talk to me. What do you wanna know? I like talking about myself.” He pauses, then says quieter “that sounds egotistical as fuck, damn. Ignore that sentence. Pretend I said nothing there.”

Otto pauses, crossing his arms with his back to the Captain. “…You fight the Honkai too. Why? You’re not supposed to fight; you’re supposed to lead the Valkyries and tell them where to fight.” Wolfsbane shrugs. “Oh, that’s an easy one. I fight because I can. Because… The Valkyries are my friends. I can’t just send my friends out into danger while I sit back and watch. Just like them, I fight for the people I love and care about. I’m not a Valkyrie, but I’ll still fight to protect the world. Because I can.”

“You don’t have any formal training, do you?” Otto asks, turning back around to face Wolfsbane. “You are a liability on the battlefield. You could die out there.”

“So could Sakura,” Wolfsbane counters. “Or Fu Hua. Or Theresa. Or any of them. I know that they can die, and they’re willing to give up their lives to protect humanity. So am I.”

“Theresa won’t die,” Otto insists. “I won’t let her.”

Wolfsbane rolls his eyes and thinks for a moment. “…Think of it like this: I’m out there fighting so that it’s easier on Theresa, so she won’t die, and so she can come home safe. Make sense?”

Otto doesn’t respond. What he’s saying reminds him a bit of Kallen. His determination to protect others, even at the cost of his own life… Otto can’t help but allow a small smile to grace his lips. “I see. Very admirable, despite being a bit foolish.” Wolfsbane shrugs. “Eh. Whatever. Never said I wasn’t an idiot.” He stands up and does a stretch. “Anything else you wanna ask me? Anything like, ‘how many inches you packing’ perhaps?”

“I am leaving.”

“Hahaha it’s a joke, Otto! Calm your butt!” Wolfsbane gives Otto a playful pat on the back. “Anyway, you looking to make a friend? I’m free tomorrow. Wanna grab some food?”

Otto’s first instinct was to turn it down and say he’s too busy to take the timeout of his day to go out to eat with someone, but something makes him pause and reconsider. “…Ah, well…” He shrugs and glances over his shoulder at Wolfsbane. “I suppose I could learn a bit more about you by doing that, so alright.” Wolfsbane seems pleasantly surprised that Otto agreed to join him. “Hey, awesome! I’ll come get you around 5:30. Cool?” Otto nods and turns to leave. As he does so, he hears Wolfsbane chuckle from behind him. “Congratulations, Otto! You made friends with a random guy by dressing as his girlfriend and being a dorp. Good job, new buddy.”

“We are not friends. I am simply observing you.”

“Hehe. Whatever you say, pal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...confession: I maaaaaaay have a thing for crossdressing, and that maaaaaaay show up as a recurring thing in this story


	3. Tea Time

“Aww I was hoping you’d be wearing a dress.”

“I’ve changed my mind; I am staying here and continuing my work.”

“Hey hey hey, calm your butt! I’m just teasing~!”

Wolfsbane laughs as he Otto shoots him a glare after stepping out of his office with Theresa and Fu Hua behind him. “Also Bird Waifu!! Hiiiiii!!” Wolfsbane calls excitedly to Fu Hua, who smiles and gives the Captain a small wave. Otto sighs and fixes his hair a bit. “Anyway… let’s head out. I have some questions I’d like to ask, but I will do so once we arrive at the restaurant.”

“Are we getting pizza?” Wolfsbane asks, a hopeful glimmer in his eyes.

“I was thinking Chinese.”

“Oh, well, that works too. I can go for sushi, even though that’s not Chinese. Usually those places have sushi too.”

“We’re going to that buffet down the road.”

“What?! That place sucks. The food’s always cold and old. And I don’t trust the sushi there one bit.”

“I’m not wasting lots of money on you.”

“Gee thanks you’re so kind. But I’m paying for us y’know.”

“What? You are?”

“Yes.”

“Oh. Well, I’ve already decided where we’re going.”

“Okay fine it’s not the WORST place to go. At least it’s not McDonalds or Burger King. Those places serve literal shit on a tray.”

“Agreed.”

“Hey, we have something in common! We both hate McDonalds.”

“Doesn’t everyone?”

“Some people eat that stuff for some reason. I can’t fathom why.”

The two talk almost nonstop on their way to the chinese buffet. The limo drops them off right in front of the entrance and they get out, and Wolfsbane stretches a bit. “Okay, let us consume!” He takes Otto’s hand and leads the two into the buffet and into a booth. “Ah you chose a booth,” Otto comments. “Good decision. Far more satisfactory than a table.” Wolfsbane winks and gives Otto finger guns. “Eyyy you know what’s up, blonde boi. Booths for life! Oh, here’s the waiter.”

“She’s a waitress, Wolf,” Otto mumbles as the waitress approaches.

“I call them all waiters, Otto. I don’t discriminate. Hush your butt.”

“Uh…”

Once the two order their drinks and the waitress leaves, Wolfsbane stands to go grab his food from the buffet and looks at Otto. “Gonna get your food?”

“Oh, right,” Otto says, standing up as well. “You just get up and take the food at this place.”

“You don’t come here often, do you?”

“No.”

“Neither do I. Hey, another thing we have in common!”

“We’re still not friends yet.”

“Sure, ya sexy tsundere.”

Otto chooses not to respond to that and just follow the Captain over to the buffet tables. He looks over the choices and picks up an egg roll and some lo mein. He glances over to see Wolfsbane grab some spicy chicken and fried rice, and a stick of meat. “Okay imma go eat this,” he says before turning back towards the table. Once he does so, he smiles as he notices their drinks have arrived. “Ottoooooo the tea is here! The tea is the best thing about this place. Even if everything else is meh, this tea is DELICIOUS. Hurry and get your food so we can drink it!!”

Wolfsbane rushes to sit down and pours the two of them some tea while Otto makes his way back to the table as well. “You seem quite eager to drink that,” Otto comments. “Is it really that good? I must admit that I haven’t tried the tea here before.” Immediately, Wolfsbane dramatically slams his palm on the table, making all the silverware are plates and teacups do a little hop, but nothing spilled (luckily). “IT IS DELICIOUS. DRINK IT OR I’LL HAVE TO FORCE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT AND MAKE YOU ENJOY IT SO BADLY THAT YOU CRY.”

“Okay okay calm down I’ll drink it…” Otto says, hastily picking up his teacup and taking a sip of it. He can’t quite place what kind of tea it is; he must admit that he isn’t an expert on tea flavors. It’s probably oolong or jasmine, but he honestly can’t tell. Well, whatever it is, Wolfsbane is right; it IS quite good. Definitely far better than the food here is. “Hm… wow. This… really is good tea.” He picks up a couple sugar packets while Wolfsbane eyes his movements.

“…Are you putting sugar in it?” The Captain asks.

“Yes,” Otto replies as he rips open one of the packets and pours it in. “I prefer my tea to have a bit more sweetness.”

“Wow. What a normie move. Your tastebuds aren’t refined enough to truly savor this elegant tea flavor.”

“Wolf.”

“Hahaha I’m kidding. But I’m still better at tea drinking than you.”

“Whatever…”

The two enjoy their tea and eat their meals. Wolfsbane does most of the talking; he just kind of rambles to Otto about random topics. “And y’know, I just don’t get why Pepsi is considered by some to be on par with or better than coke. It’s not nearly as good, and it ain’t THE cola company. It’s got some good shit, but it’s NOTHING compared to coke. Oh my god, Otto, have you ever had TaB soda? It’s like, the OG Diet Coke, but don’t let that fool you! It doesn’t taste like diet at all, and it’s THE best soda ever. But it’s really old so you gotta do some searching to find it. The supermarket down the street happens to sell it, which is awesooooome!! Have you tried it?”

“I have, actually. But it’s been many years. I didn’t think they still made TaB.”

“They do and I’m so glad they do. If they ever stop making TaB I’ll die. DIE, OTTO.”

“Did you just tell me to die or are you just over-emphasizing your dramatic exclamation?”

“The second choice.”

“Ooookay then.”

After the two finish up their food and drinks, Wolfsbane pays for their meals and they head out. Otto calls Fu Hua and asks her to come pick them up, and as he hears the Valkyrie’s voice, he gets an idea. “Hey, Fu!” He interjects Before Otto can hang up. “It’s me, Wolfsbane! I just had a thought. Do you ever make tea?”

“Oh, hi Captain! Well, yes. Quite often.”

“Hate to be a burden, but would you be willing to make some for me and Otto? I wanna teach him about the joys of drinking elegant tea.”

“Haha my tea isn’t that elegant, but of course I’ll make you some! If you’d like to come to my place, I can make you some tonight if you’d like.”

Wolfsbane looks over at Otto, who shrugs and gives him a small wave that seems like a “do what you’d like” and the Captain smiles. “Sure! Mind taking us, Birdy?”

“Alright. I’ll be there in just a moment. I’m only around the corner.”

After hanging up with Fu Hua, Otto looks over at Wolfsbane. “You really like her, don’t you?” Wolfsbane chuckles. “That I do. She’s awesome. I have a lot of respect for her, honestly. Also, haha… she’s hot too.”

“I… don’t quite see that. She doesn’t seem to be very… sexy.”

“OTTO,” Wolfsbane exclaims, pointing a finger dramatically in the overseer’s face. “A girl doesn’t need BOOBS or a big, round ASS or soft CURVES to be SEXY and HOT AS FUCK. She is perfect and beautiful as she is and you should love and respect her.” Otto stares at Wolfsbane, a bit taken aback by the outburst, but it seems like sudden dramatic exclamations like this isn’t uncommon for him, and Otto is growing accustomed to it by now. “I see. Well… I suppose you’re right. Fine, I’ll consider your point.”

“Respect her or die.”

“Okay I’ll respect her… How do I do that?”

“Tell her how great and amazing she is.”

The two of them pause their conversation as they notice a red car pull up to them and see Fu Hua smile through the window. “There’s my Bird Waifu!” Wolfsbane says as he hops into the back seat with Otto getting in the other side. “Hi Fu!”

“Hello Captain,” she replies. “How was your meal?”

“Meh. The tea was delicious as it always is at this place. But I’m sure your tea is far superior, so I am eager to taste its deliciousness.”

Fu Hua laughs at this. “Well, like I said, I wouldn’t say it’s amazing, but I really hope you enjoy it.”

The car ride goes smoothly for a little while. Otto and Wolfsbane don’t talk much, but neither of them seem quite uncomfortable about the silence. “…So, Fu Hua,” Otto awkwardly begins, looking at her in the rear view mirror with a smirk on his face. “You are very helpful to me, and I respect you very much.”

Wolfsbane throws his arm up, accidentally hitting the car ceiling in pride. “Yesssssss Otto is respecting women.”

“Oh, well…” Fu Hua says, a small blush on her face. “Uh… Thank you, Otto. That’s… quite an odd thing for you to say to me, but I appreciate it.” Once Fu Hua pulls into the driveway, Otto leans forward and places his hand on her shoulder. “Nice driving. Thank you for allowing us to come over. You’re quite hot and sexy, by the way.”

At this point, Fu Hua is confused as fuck and has no idea why Otto is acting like this. “Uhhh… Thanks… I think…?” Wolfsbane sighs. “Right. I forgot you’re an obsessive dickballs. Otto, out of the car. Lemme tell ya something.” He shoves Otto out of the car and pulls him aside. “Okay, so, lesson 1 in respecting women, or just people in general: don’t be an obsessive dickballs. Don’t shove it down their throat. Just be natural and don’t force anything. Just… say a nice thing once in a while and leave it at that.”

“Was I not saying something nice?” Otto counters. “Is that not what you told me to say?”

“Be n a t u r a l , Otto. YOU do not naturally call girls sexy and hot. Just sounds weird coming from you. You don’t do that. Except to Kallen maybe, but what you do to Kallen is what I’m trying to teach you NOT to do.”

“Then what do you suggest I do?”

“Say thanks once in a while and give the occasional genuine compliment and don’t throw yourself at people. It worked for me but that’s just ‘cuz you got lucky that it was me you’re doing it to and I’m chill so I don’t care. But most people would get weirded out and avoid you like the plague. Like Kallen does.”

“Kallen likes me.”

“Actually she doesn’t but we won’t get into that right now. C’mon, let’s go see Fu Hua.”

The three enter the building and Fu Hua goes over to her tea set to make them some tea. “I have some green tea here. Do you like green tea?” Wolfsbane smiles excitedly. “Love green tea! Probably my favorite type of tea, although it’s hard to decide on a real favorite.”

While Fu Hua works on making the tea, Otto and Wolfsbane have a little chat. “Ah, I just remembered,” says Otto. “You are Sakura… are you really…?” Wolfsbane nods. “Yup. Why?”

“Well, I thought her and Kallen were together.”

“Oh yeah they broke up.”

“Wh-what?! When?!”

“Well, long story short, Sakura came back to life, assumed Kallen was gone forever and me and her got together, then Kallen came back and was like ‘exCUSE ME??? That’s my GIRLFRIEND!!’ and me and Sakura were like ‘...polyamory?’ and Kallen was salty and was like ‘no! I’m not sharing!’ and now Kallen’s still salty at me over it and yeah that’s pretty much it.”

“So… So Kallen is single?”

“She doesn’t want you though.” Wolfsbane playfully pokes Otto’s forehead. “She. Don’t. Want. You. No offense, but she really ain’t interested. Move on, buddy.”

“But she’s single.”

“Too bad. She don’t want you. You a creep, boi.”

“Well… that’s why you’re here.”

“Hahaha. Ah, you’re using me now. Sure; I was gonna teach you how to not be a creep boi anyway. Although that’s rude of you to say, but whatever. That’s just you being you, ain’t it. Nyehehe!”

“Well… you also seem to be quite close to Fu Hua…”

“Polyamory. We’re a thing too. I’m still trying to convince Fu to join me and Sakura and have a threesome but, hehehe… don’t tell her I told you this, but she’s really shy.”

“O-oh… I see.”

“I also have a boyfriend but he goes to a different school so you don’t know him.”

Finally, Fu Hua returns with the tea and places the cups down in front of the boys. “Here you go,” she says with a gentle smile. “Green tea. I hope it’s okay.” Wolfsbane graciously lifts the cup and thanks Fu before taking a sip. Otto takes a moment to examine the look of the tea. He considers asking for milk and sugar, but after shooting a quick glance at Wolfsbane elegantly sipping his tea and Fu Hua standing in front of them to gauge their responses to her work, Otto decides to just try it plain as well.

After only one sip, Otto is hit with a sudden rush of flavor. This tea… actually has flavor despite not having milk and sugar in it. It’s far superior to any other tea he’s ever tried. It’s a light flavor, but definitely noticeable. It’s absolutely heavenly. “W-Well…” Otto stutters, trying to form a response. “It… it is… marvelous. This tea is delicious.”

“You fucking bet it is,” Wolfsbane laughs, having already finished his tea in the time it took for Otto to take one sip and stare at the wall and contemplate its flavor. “Fu, this tea is incredible.” Fu Hua blushes and starts to say something, but Wolfsbane cuts her off. “No no no! No need to be modest! We’re all friends here. You can admit that you make amazing tea.” Fu Hua laughs quietly at this. “Okay, okay. Thank you, you two. And Otto…” Otto looks over at her. “Hm?”

“Well… You seem happy today. Well… more like… comfortable. And thank you for the compliment. I do appreciate it.”

“Ah… indeed. I speak only the truth.”

**|\vvv/|**

The three of them relax at Fu Hua’s place for a while longer before being driven back to Schicksal HQ. “And we have returned,” Wolfsbane announces as they arrive at Otto’s office door. “You should head back to your place and get some rest, Otto.”

“No, I still have some work I have to do.”

“Well, suit yourself, but I suggest you relax. You could come stay over at my place if you’d like.”

“That won’t be necessary.”

“Alright. Well, see ya later then. Oh, by the way…” Wolfsbane takes out a piece of paper and hands it to Otto. “That’s my number. Forgot to give it to you earlier. Send me a text real quick before you get too busy, okay?”

“Ah… thank you. I will.”

“Awesome. See ya later, buddy!”

“We’re not friends yet.”

“Hahaha… Yes, yes we are, Otto. Nice try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow a chapter without crossdressing. What is this madness?


End file.
